Dear Dictionary.com,

Today my word of the day is "qualitative." Are you joking? You must be joking. Most first graders learn the meaning of this word in their premier science class.

Frankly, everyone that signs up for an RSS feed, such as Word of the Day, probably knows every single word of the day I have gotten for the past month. Who doesn't know what obscure means? Or to daunt? What type of person do you think signs up for a fresh bit of education to start their day? Certainly, you cannot believe that a total moron would.

I am a seeker of knowledge! I need innovative and intense language to elevate my diction and style! What am I to do with such words as "iconoclast" or "eminent" or "abate." All extremely useful, no doubt, but even a pig could speak such rudiments.

I demand for you to stop patronizing the masses, procure some originality, and distribute it accordingly. Good day!

Love,

That girl who might be just a little pedantic...just a little

Dear Starbucks on Calhoun St,

I felt like I should inform you that your hours are backwards. Did you realize that you are open until 11pm Sunday through Thursday, but only open until 9pm on Friday and Saturday? Haha! I know! I was shocked silly as well, when I reached your doors on that first Saturday, only to discover the bleak darkness of the inside.

Now, the reason I have finally decided to bring this error to your attention is because of two reasons: 1) I keep forgetting your hours are fucked, and I end up walking to you on a late Friday or Saturday only to curse the entirety of humanity and 2) It's fucking cold outside.

Please, before I develop hypothermia and go insane, change the ridiculousness of your hours post haste. It is your duty, as part of the coffee shop circle, to uphold the traditions of grabbing a cup of joe late into the night!

Love,

That girl who can never get warm even with an anorak and parka on.

Dear Expectations,

I bet you didn't see that coming! Ha!

Love,

That girl who is going to change her major...again

Dear School Bus,

How dare you thrust your stop sign out at me! Commanding my actions as though you are dictator of the universe!

If I want to run over adorable small children, then, by Zeus, I will. I have appointments to get to and meetings to run and World of Warcraft to play. I can't just slow down all willy nilly for things such as "the law."

I stopped for you today, but I assure you that next time you will not be so lucky.

Love,

That girl who thought the little boy getting off the bus in his oversized parka was a cutie-pie

Dear New Year,

People make a lot of fuss over you. Getting shloggered until sunrise. Million dollar fireworks.

And making resolutions.

I refuse to participate in such ridiculous traditions. Yes, you are a new slate, a nascent beginning, but why can't next Monday be the antecedent event that brings a change in life? You're hogging all the hoop-la, and I will have none of it!

I want to have a better body. I want to save enough money for a new car. I want to find a job. I want to get even more motivated for school. I want to do a whole list of things, but I will do all of those things when I damn well please!

You can't trap me in your cyclic doom! I know what happens. You make the resolution. You start toward your goal. Then you gradually lose sight of it because a resolution is never as solid as a true destination. It's merely a suggestion of good intent.

So let me tell you, baby New Year, I'm changing nothing. I'm going nowhere. I'm stagnant for today, and you will not make me feel terrible about it.

Love,

That girl who sometimes greets the new day with resentment and knows that's ok